Web of Life

I met him at a party many years ago. He is not drop-dead-gorgeous by the standards of all women but there are many women who find him handsome and sexy. As the popular song goes, "He caught my eye…as he walked across my pathway" Besides, my idea of a sexy man may not be the same as yours.

Apart from looks, he had a soft-spoken manner and he was not brash. He did not make me feel that he was so important that I had to listen to him with bated breath. Nor did he expect a woman to look at him with adoring eyes. In fact, he would probably have run away if I had.

He asked me about my interests and goals in life and we found that we had much in common. We talked the whole evening and then each went home. We met again and again for he joined our crowd of party-goers.

Gradually he and I began to hang out together and we came to be accepted as a couple. As we grew older and matured, we thought seriously about marriage. It was a big step for both of us but we thought "Why not?" We asked our parents and aunts and uncles for advice about marriage and then we decided to take the plunge.

We had a quiet wedding for we could not afford to provide food and drink for more than thirty guests. He and I were both determined not to start our married life in debt. Our wedding gave us special memories and we knew each guest by name. They were the friends and relatives who formed our intimate circle or those who had watched us grow up.

We went to a friend's house in Kandy for our three-day honeymoon and came back to Colombo with our arms around each other and no homecoming party. We shared his two-roomed apartment, cooking in one room and sleeping in the other.

It was difficult living with a man and getting used to his leaving his shirts and trousers lying around. He and I used to argue about small things and we both learned to be patient with each other. But there were days when I just would not talk to him but he did not give up on me.

He and I used to walk on Galle Face Green in the evenings, buy "Kottu Roti"(local stir-fried pasta) for dinner. He then washed the dishes and I wiped them. Each day meant the creation of new memories to add to our store.

He admitted that there were times when he felt jealous and insecure if I spent time in office talking to other men. I realized that a man is often more insecure than a woman and I would then take extra trouble to show him that he came first with me. I also confessed that I was jealous if he looked at another younger or prettier woman. Then he too would go out of his way to show me how much he loved me. Gradually he and I became more secure and sure of each other. I guess that is what a happy marriage does to you. More than anything else, we both realized that we must never stop sharing our feelings frankly with each other.

We waited two years to cement our marriage for we had gone to the Family Planning Association and learnt methods of birth control. After that we were ready to start a family. I had a difficult pregnancy but my husband was with me throughout, accompanying me to the doctor and cooking and cleaning when I had to lie down to rest my swollen ankles.

He was by my side with his arm around me when I delivered our only child, a daughter. No, he was not disappointed that it was not a son. But he admitted that he felt jealous when the baby and I bonded with each other when I breast-fed her. Then I started getting him to carry the baby and then it was invariably his voice that soothed her when she was restless and crying. He and I shared the tasks of nappy washing and changing and rocking the baby to sleep.

As we watch our child grow, we have not lost interest in each other. He and I have had to change our goals and dreams over the years. We want to spend time together and with our child, so he and I will not be able to earn a lot of money.

What does it matter?

We hope to save and buy a small house and a garden somewhere to live in when we grow old. But right now, the three of us still live in our two rented rooms and it is a tight fit. What does it matter?

On Friday evenings, the three of us go to Galle Face Green and as we feel the sea breeze on our faces, the three of us are grateful for the love we share in our little family. I am lucky to have met and married my Dream Man, aren't I? Wish you out there good luck too!

Actually, I am divorced and alone but I want all of you to think of the above and not make mistakes by going after money and careers without cementing your relationships with your family. Happiness comes not from money but from love.